i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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