The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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