if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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