the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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