I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
