i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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