life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
