ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
