dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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