im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
