wanna go halves on a baby?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
