Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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