If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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