just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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