i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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