using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
