Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
