Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
