She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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