We won't sleep together?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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