So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
