i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
