Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize