I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And then my night got REAL pukey
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
