My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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