no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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