Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Please, let me fuck your mom
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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