his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
