I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
