That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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