I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
