you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
