Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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