I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize