doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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