new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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