You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
