it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
