i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
