giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
