I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Bring me that man meat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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