I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
