Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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