Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
