the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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