So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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