I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
