I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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