Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
