Kareoke will never be a sober sport
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
