I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
