Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize