giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
