i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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