I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
