I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Green mimosas i think yes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
