In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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