Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
