I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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