Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
In America we eat man semen.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
