remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
