My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize