my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he fucked my hip out of place.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
