So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
