She is in my trunk
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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