Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
