So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
