Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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