Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
