Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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