Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
