My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
