there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
